15+ Hilarious Joke That Will Make You Cry for Adults
- You don’t need a driver license to ride me.
- How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
- How is virginity like a soap bubble? One prick and it’s gone
- What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students? A PDF file
- Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!
- What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes
- I come from a place where “keep talking” means you better shut the fuck up.
- How is pubic hair like parsley? You push it to the side before you start eating.
- My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
- My entire life can be summed up in one sentence… “well that didn’t f*cking go as planned.”
- A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
- I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.
- The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
- If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
- Someone asked the other day how you spell “scrotum”, I replied ” you should have asked me last night as it was on the tip of my tongue”
- Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. – They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch.
10+ Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry: Teens
- What can you catch but not throw? Your breath.
- What do a school and a plant have in common? STEM.
- For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
- What’s the difference between the ACT and SAT? One letter.
- I’m mostly “Peace, Love and Light” and a little “Go F*ck Yourself “
- “They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.”
- “The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.”
- What do you do if there is a kidnapping at high school? You wake him up.
- Why couldn’t the teacher control her pupils? She couldn’t find her glasses.
- What gets sharper the more you use it but dull if you don’t use it at all? Students.
- What did the chef say to make the raw potato laugh? This is going to be your last roast.
Hilarious Jokes for Kids
Q: Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?
A: Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Q: What music frightens balloons?
A: Pop music.
Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he never lands.
Q: Why is there a fence around a cemetery?
A: People are dying to get in.
Q: What did the snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Do you smell carrots?
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park?
A: They woke him up.
25+ Funny Jokes That Will Make You Cry
- What would bears be without bees? Ears.
- What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
- What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
- What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!
- What do you call a hippie’s wife? A Mississippi!
- What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
- What do you call a sad strawberry? A blue berry!
- Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!
- What did the fish say when he hit the wall? DAM!
- I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
- What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
- What did one toilet say to another? You look flushed.
- What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless.
- What does a spy do when he is cold? He goes undercover
- What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
- What do sprinters eat before they race? Nothing. They fast.
- How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
- What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
- What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
- I’m so tired of saying “Oh shit, my mask…”. Like I’m Batman or some shit.
- Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? Because they are such fungis.
- I admit that my level of weirdness is above the average, but i’m comfortable with it.
- Why can you never hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
- Dear life, when I said “Can my day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
- Maybe money can’t buy happiness, but I think it’s only fair to give to me learn that lesson myself.
Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Cry: One-Liners
- What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels
- How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!
- How did the two cats end their fight? They hissed and made up.
- Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
- My friend’s in prison for flashing; he says he can’t bare it anymore.
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- I tried drag racing the other day; it’s murder trying to run in those heels.
- It’s really important to obey the laws of grammar, after all, rules are rules.
- I was a bookkeeper for 10 years… the local library wasn’t too happy about it.
- I said to my friend, “Let’s take turns naming American vice-presidents, Al Gore first.”
- What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.